No one is exempt from feeling overwhelmed with life, responsibilities, family, and other good things like caring for others’ needs. It can be difficult to sort through what we should and shouldn’t be doing. That’s why the title of chapter 4 of Kevin DeYoung‘s excellent book Crazy Busy grabbed my attention. One of the points he makes in the chapter is this:
Can doesn’t always mean should. Care doesn’t always mean do.
We recently finished a series on stewardship called “Numbering Our Days.” Stewarding our time is a challenge for all of us. It is not easy. We often wonder if we should do this or that to help someone. Certainly we care, but is the only way to show that by doing something about it? DeYoung brings up an important and helpful point for us to think about. Here’s why:
First, what you can do is not always what you should do. Ability should never establish priority. Should is a priority word. To say you should do something is to say you should not do other things. You might have the time and personal capacity to do more things than you should actually be doing. We need the humility it takes to admit our limitations and to say “No.” That will free us to focus on the important things. How can you know what you should be doing? You have to first identify what’s most important (prioritize). That comes from knowing to what and to whom God has called you.
Second, there’s a whole lot more that we can care about than we can actually do something about. Our capacity to care will always be greater than our capacity to do. Care is a heart thing that can expand or contract, that can grow and deepen, or shrink and close up. Christians can and should grow in their care for other people. But “Do” is a time thing. That means it is limited by 24 hours in a day. Time won’t grow or stretch to accommodate our caring hearts. There’s almost no limit to how much you can care, but there is a definite limit to how much you can do. Don’t let people pressure you into thinking “if you really cared you’d do something about it.” That’s just not true. We can care about a whole lot and care deeply. But we won’t always be in a position to actually do something about the things and people we care about. That’s just a reflection of our human limitations.
You can probably think of a number of things right now that you really care about. If I asked you which of those things are you actually doing something about, it would probably be a small percentage. But this should not lead you into guilt. It’s okay! It would be manipulative to say “you must not truly care about the other things because if you did, you’d be doing something.” The fact of the matter is that you may genuinely care, but for a number of (hopefully) legitimate reasons, you can’t always do something about it.
If you’re faithfully fulfilling your priorities, as a mother for example, you’re doing what you should be doing. If you can do other things that you care about without hindering your ability to be faithful with the most important things, then more power to you! But if you’re guilted into doing something just to prove you really care, and doing that leads to less faithfulness in your primary calling, then you have succumbed to the lie that care must always mean do and can must always mean should.
Really helpful Allen, great thoughts here for me to think through and prioritize my life being a father and dad. Really does relieve the pressure to “do”. I would also argue that if you are guilted into doing to show that you care you may be doing for YOU rather than an overflow of care. Not always, but a good heart check.